Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
