and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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