apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He felt like a one man threesome
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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