I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
