Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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