I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
