Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
