Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
