Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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