she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
