You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
