No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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