im drinking this country out of the recession.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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