I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
