u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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