____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
