So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
