At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
