i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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