I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
