Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
