What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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