mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
