Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
