You smell like stripper and shame
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
