Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
