i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
