I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
