Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
