your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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