My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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