I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
