i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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