There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
