and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
