There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
