i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
