if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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