i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Panties = found
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