You just made me feel so damn special
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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