I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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