He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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