god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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