good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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