What did we do last night that was yellow?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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