btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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