every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Less talking, more tequila
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
