I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Still dying that you shit outside
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
