FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
