yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
