I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
