found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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