I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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