hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
