the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
