i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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